In class

I should really be paying attention as I'm in Chem. right now but it's Friday and not just any Friday ut the first Friday of 2012 and back on campus. Focusing Chem is the farthest thing from my mind right now, barely 20 mins into class and everyone's favorite Swiss professor has already lost my attention (Prof. Bobst). I have recitation on Monday and a quiz so I really should be but, it's soooo hard, not to mention it's just review of what we went over at the end of last quarter. Uhg!! could this class be any longer, i swear time has frozen. We aren't getting points for the clicker questions so that's not even a reason to pay attention. I just got that question right though so guess I learned something and I'm not the only one ready for lessons to be over, a guy just walked out. My friends and I are going ice skating tonight. He's going but so are most of his close friends, M&J are going, and some people I don't know very well but should be fun anyway.
It was A LOT of fun. I hated seeing all the couple holding hands and stuff, that is so hard for me especially since he was there but still I'm glad I thought of it and I'm glad more people went this year. I got to spend time with people I hardly ever see and talk to people I don't normally talk to. I got to see kind of what summer project would have been like. Hanging with the people that went to Traverse, seeing them interact, and seeing how close they have all become, it kind of makes me jealous but at the same time I know I was right where I was supposed to be and I would have been going for all the wrong reasons.
J asked me if I was okay afterwards and I didn't let on to the others in the car that I knew what she was talking about but really thinking about it, I'm not. I wish I could just hang out with Cru and feel 95% accepted but with all the whispers about plans for other days and talking about stuff that happened at project and not having any one person I can just hang with (like a best friend or boyfriend) is hard and upsetting at times. Sure, everyone was really grateful that I set this up tonight but they all are constantly talking and hanging out so while it was fun, they didn't need it to hang out (I did). There was some kind of talk before Cru (on Wednesday) for a group dinner on Thursday night, I wasn't invited and now Andrew is proposing tomorrow (yeah I'm a perceive-er, I picked up and pieced together the hints) and again I'm not invited although it's apparently a group thing, they're going to play Euchre and stuff. **Suspicion confirmed, he is proposing, would have been great to be there but it's whatever, my knee really hurts still so I guess I'll spend the night on the couch with my homemade icepack on my knee.** I feel like because I want to be involved in more than one thing on campus I'm slowly being excluded from things, I think it has to do with me living on campus, too. The freshmen live on campus too but they're freshmen and don't have as much a connection to the upperclassmen as I do. Actually I take that back, most of them don't I can think of at least 2 that may have stronger connections than I do, IDK how but they do, probably because all the guys are super close.
What I really want are those days where I could just walk across campus and hang out with J or a certain male friend back. When did life become so scheduled? When did you start having to fit me into the left over time in your schedule? Dang I miss those two, even if I just saw J a few hours ago and my friend Wed. I feel so alone...not just single but alone.