He is seriously the most frustrating being I have yet encountered. I haven't the slightest clue how one person can make me so mad and yet so very happy at virtually the same time. I want nothing more than to lay on his shoulder and watch a good movie and he seems inclined to let me most of the time. He'll buy me a flower and tell me indirectly that he missed me, he says he wants to go with me to the airport and we watched the sunrise together. Then there are other times when he says that we're just friends. What kind of guy friend buys a platonic female friend a flower; no guy friend would out of fear of suggesting it's something more, simple as that. No way are we just friends, absolutely not.
And yet, somehow as the countdown nears zero I'm finding it a little bit easier to think of him as just a friend. It might just be that he's not here right now and I haven't seen him since Thursday so it seems like it's getting easier, no way to tell until i see him, which probably won't be until Tuesday or Monday at dinner. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he came back with me, got to know my friends and maybe even became a born again christian. I'd love to see what he thinks of America and it'd be super cool because then there would be no reason for us not to date. We'd have 6 months instead of 4 and all of November if he came back and told me he was coming with me. But at the same time I'm kind of glad nothing has happened with him. It would be so hard to leave him if we were involved. It's already going to be hard enough. Not to mention how hard classes are going to be in the spring last thing I need is someone that I have to show around and introduce to people. Not that he's shy or anything but I'm sure he'd be expecting me to hang out quite a bit like I do him but it'd be even more so as he would know no one but me for like the first month and 1/2.
I do however miss holding his hand and the random days where we got to spend mass amounts of time together. I'm so weak when it come to physical touch and attention from that special someone.
But back to the him going to Cincy with me thing, it would be hard because I'm not me here or at least I'm not the me that I am in Cincy. I'm more of the me that I am at home. In Cincy I'm involved in Cru, I'm the go to person on most things UC sports related in Cru and with RallyCats, i'm the dedicated but quiet girl. I go to most of the games and am at every meeting that school doesn't interfere with. Here I'm not involved at uni and I'm not part of some big group in IHouse. I spend a lot of time with 3 particular people. And even more by myself. One of those 3 being him so seeing me in my element at a football game right after we score or in the middle of one of my favorite worship songs at Cru would be different for him. I wish I could be more of that me around him but he doesn't share my passion for Bearcats football or even American football in general and talking about religion is always a sticky situation. Regardless of the facts that his first & middle names and his brother's first name are all religious and he went to a Catholic high school; it's not an easy thing to talk about religion.
He is a special guy, I admire him for so many reasons and he has really changed me; this semester would not have been the same or as much fun with out him and i know i'll miss him dearly but at the same time he infuriates me to know end.
