Friends can be...

...great when they're around and u need them
...sucky when they're not around and u need them
...great when you wanna help and they let you
...sucky when you wanna help and they won't let u
...great when you need them and they understand that w/o too much or any explanation
...sucky when you need them and have to explain that and why
BUT most of the time MY friends are great, even when we're 70 miles apart. They are almost always there for me and i know if i ever needed them they are there for me but sometimes it feels like, I'm there for them but they aren't really for me and sometimes they have the worst timing like having a huge fight and wanting me in the middle of it the week i have some huge tests but this year that's all gonna change. I'm NOT getting in the middle anymore and I'm NOT taking sides BUT i am going to study harder, get more in depth in my faith, find a job, and maybe even make a few new friends. After all that this fall, I'm going to start planning my trip to Australia for next fall. The more i read about my friend's time in Germany and later when another friend starts writing about Austria, the more excited i get about getting out of America and seeing the world. I've never been farther west than Texas...that i remember/know of. Australia is a whole different country, let alone continent. I want to get out and explore. I know I'm gonna miss football season and my cousins and friends' first semesters in college and some other stuff but this is a chance to see the country of Steve Irwin, the kolas and the kangaroos, some of the coolest species on Earth live in Australia and not to mention the largest collection of living organisms, The Great Barrier Reef. Forget about the tiger sharks and the great white, forget about it being the only country to have more venomous snakes than non, forget about the fact that i'll be thousands of miles from anyone i know and my poochie, whom i love more than anyone else on the planet. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I can't wait to make it happen. This has been a dream of mine since sophomore year of high school. And regardless of what anyone else thinks or how far away my friends are i know they'll eventually support me and be happy for me. I really just can't wait and its because of my great friends that i want to go. I want to be able to share a piece of the world with them, with u. Oh this is gonna be great, i love my friends.

I wanna talk about...storms

They terrify and mystify me all at the same time, a light shower on a hot summer's day, fine, it's refreshing even needed and appreciated when u live in the corn-belt, but the crazy storm going on right now and the insane downpours Cincy has, well they freak me out. There should never be that much rain falling from the sky at one time and the wind, its insane. There were a few times this past year where i swore i could feel Calhoun swaying from the wind. The wind is what bugs me the most at school 7 stories up, but at home where I'm only 2 stories up, its the lightning, my window is 2'7" across and 3'2" tall that may not seem very big but for a window it is. It let's in a LOT of light, from the moon to the street lamp to...lightning. I have a semi-blackout curtain on my window to keep out the light from the street lamp. You know those little kids who can't sleep w/o a night light well I am and was the opposite, i like my room pitch black. I put my computer under my bed so i cant see the charging light, at school i put it in my drawer. I'm dead serious i hate light while im trying to sleep. So its not really a fear of lightning but more of an annoyance with it. Now my mom would be mad or call me crazy if she knew i were on my computer in the middle of a storm but what can i do i can't sleep and nothing ive tried has helped. I love the sound of the rain hitting the roof and the thunder i can deal with...i marched bass drum for two years, but at night it's supposed to be dark, end of sentence. I put my bed against my wardrobe so i couldn't see the light in the hall last year in Calhoun. I'm dead serious about this, and i think that's why lightning bugs me so much, cuz i can see it through my curtain. :(

Life's a line and we're all connected

People I've met this year, here's how its gonna go i'll write something and u see if u can guess who it is even if its not u, NOBODY will know them all and if u do, quit stalking me

1. The 2nd guy i met on campus, not including the guys from orientation
2. The person responsible for most of my college friends
3. The person i never thought would mean so much
4. If not for a ride would probably never gotten so close
5. Met them at a baseball game, i couldn't keep these two straight
6. Never imagined we'd have so much in common
7. Hanging on Fridays was fun (1 person)
8. Salt & Milk don't mix (ok obvious but still some wont know)
9. Want his old job one day
10. Never realized how many people are from the 937, yet i've only seen 1 of this summer (8-15people)
11. Rivals meet again
12. In a field where he's a minority
13. Lucky # of a favorite singer
14. These two are a lot of fun to hang with even if I do have an exam the next day
15. Math is what they love (sarcasm & serious)
16. Love to watch the horses run with this person
17. These two got me through one very boring class, actually one got me thru two
18. This one caught me on a rough day and glad they were there
19. I think my dad would like this one, real Army strong (kinda reminds me of my brother)
20. The Hat
21. They'll always be alphas of our wolf pack (again obvious to some, 2 people)
22. Weird she reminds me of my sister, A LOT!!
23. Only reasons I came back spring quarter (2 people)
24. The hair, all that hair!!!
25. Computer vs husband to get directions lol
26. Food for others spring quarter
27. Favorite player, mainly cuz i recognize them off the field
28. The one NOONE else on the list will know
29. The one I've seen this summer (not from the 937)
30. Oldest person on the list, probably oldest friend i met this year (not old just oldest)

1. Scott 

2. Jacque 

3. Chris
4. Janie 

5. Andy & Micah 

6. Tiff
7. Andy V 

8. Joel 

9. Andrew W
10. Matt, Melissa Parker, Chris L, Dae', Liz, Ryan, Ashlynn, & Michael, just to name a few
11. Jordan Linn

12. Jordan K
13. Meghan Logue

14. Ellen & Kati
15. Brittany H & Derek W
16. Shelby
17. James & Erin

18. Michelle G
19. Chiudioni 

20. Eric Sillies
21. Dennis & Leah

22. Robin Koehlke
23. Emma & Kazia

24.Will Moses
25.Krystal Bartholomew

26. Brynn Sharp

27. Colin Lozier
28. Koda Hardin

29. Jessie Potter

30. Josh Alton

Bad Day

BAD dream: my lil cousin broke off three of my teeth and i woke up my jaw hurting, worse part is none of my family members in the dream even cared and they probably wouldn't in real life either. Then i found out Mom and Ally went food shopping this morning, thats 2 weeks in a row that they've gone w/o Victoria and i, now our house is filled with a bunch of junk food, dont get me wrong, i like junk food as much as the next average college student but seriously im talking nothing to even make a decent dinner if we ever had the desire to make dinner, this is why Victoria and I like too have one of us go, cuz Ally also doesn't get any food for us specifically, I mean itd be nice to walk downstairs one day after just the two of them go shopping and find a can of spaghettio's but that's never gonna happen and after my bad dream, today is not shaping up to be a good day :(

Career Advisers

Tonight i figured out, I can't be: an acrobat, I don't have enough balance; a nanny or anyone who works w/ lil kids, I cant stand always having to watch them; or an engineer, I couldn't figure out how to keep the train tracks from falling, BUT i did calm down my cousins dog who has dry skin, I guess a vet is the right choice. Speaking of which I wonder if any of my friends would be interested in a chihuahua-rat terrier mix? She's some where between 6-8 years old, about 2-4lbs im not sure, has some dry skin but with the right shampoo thats a simple fix, she's not a fan of guys but i would work on that if u'ld let me, she just needs some desensitizing, the guys in my family are always mean to her so she sees them as threatening. I'd take her but I can't have her in the dorms and no way would my parents take care of her during the year. She's absolutely amazing lil dog once she knows u she'll follow u everywhere, she doesn't need a leash or a lot of room, she's kennel trained so she could be left in a crate while ur at school. I can't stand the thought of her going to the shelter, anyone interested.

It's the only picture I could find, her name is Lilo.

We're all BIG contradictions

I don't understand it. We (college students) wait all school year for summer but then when summer finally starts we (some of us) can't wait to get back to school. We want a good job but complain about how hard class is. We want to hang with our friends but then we go home. We say we'll get together w/ friends from high school over breaks but then we get jobs. We (a few) skip class but then wonder why we're not doing so well. We don't schedule class on Friday so we can hang w/ friends but then end up sleeping half the day away. We (some, not all) say we're poor college kids but then go out drinking and partying every weekend. Say we never have enough time to do all our homework but we make time to hang with friends. We say we're shy but then end up with more friends than we can handle...or so it seems. We are all BIG contradictions!! I know there are others but it's four in the mourning and I can't think, the major one that was on my mind was the first one.

IF

If is a small word in comparison to almost all other words, miniscule even in comparison to antidisestablishmentarianism (opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church) but my point, for it being such a small word, it holds an awful lot of power over people.

• If i hadn't gotten mad
• If i'd studied harder
• If i was prettier, smarter, more skilled, more likeable
• If i'd only told someone
• If we hadn't lost
• If everyone knew
• IF, If, if...

Thing is until the invention of the time machine we'll never know what would have happened IF we'd done things differently, so we have to start living in the present and for the future. The past is the past there's nothing anyone can do to change it. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that there aren't things I'd give almost anything to change or that sometimes i don't say, wonder, or even dream 'what IF'. I'm working on it though, I'm trying to live my life by rolling with the punches and just going with the flow. So what my cousin never came to play LIFE with me and I'll get over the fact that I'm slowly losing one of my best friends, IF I'm honest with myself I realize she really wasn't that great of a friend anyway. I could do something and she'd be mad at me for days, weeks even, but she could do the same thing and I'd let it go. And almost anything in my life that relates to her has gotten me in trouble or caused me anger or grief, so why am I friends with her? Sorry didn't mean for this to be one of those blogs, so back to my point; I think the world be a lot less stressful place IF everyone didn't focus so much on the past. Sure, learn from it but then move on, don't dwell on it. 

As my boy Garth Brooks would say:
Three thirty in the morning,
Not a soul in sight,
The city's looking like a ghost town
On a moonlit summer night.

 

YAY!!! for privacy

So my darling sister, A, (sarcasm) showed my rents my blog either that or i messed up and forgot to set the fb settings right but im thinking the first one. Anyway, so now every time i go down stairs they ask "blogged lately?" its so annoying, i mean im glad they seem to care but i cant write freely and about them if i know in the back of my mind that they'll read this later. So i went hunting and i found the privacy settings for blogger. so now i dont have to worry, they read my last post and neither of them has said or done anything to make me want to be here more. My poochie and my other sister, V, are really the only things keeping me sane, them and fb. I'm srry but ive come to realize most days the only connection i make with the outside world is through fb. My phone holds a charge for a week cuz i never use it, mainly cuz i've told people so many times that i dont have unlimited texting so they dont text, i've used 16/250 texts and im about halfway thru the billing cycle, a fourth of those were pics from my sister, V, to me to fb and they didn't even upload >:( oh well.


Week's been pretty good so far minus sunday.  Sunday was spent with the kids (my aunt's grand-kids), now if u know me for a while u'll find im not big on holding infants cuz they can't control their bodily fluids (i imagine i'll be ok w/ my own kids) and certain people (kids included) just rub the wrong way. Now dont get me wrong i love them most of the time but they've all got one problem or another but the oldest Kaylee, Im like her idol. Literally she follows me everywhere, and im NOT exaggerating, if she could she'd be at our house everyday and i think that would help her become less attached, but she cant so the normal once a week at church and normally lunch that turns into dinner is what she settles for. Well if u've been paying attention i haven't been sleeping well and i have to get up at 8:30 on Sundays so i went to sleep around 6, thats 2 & 1/2 hrs of sleep so about 4 i crashed on my grandma's couch and about an hour later i was still sleeping but whats she do she comes and sits down next to me and starts poking me, well i snapped and she ran and my dad exploded, glad he stuck up for me then (rolling my eyes). I dont sleep after someone wakes me up. So i was awake running on 3 & 1/2 hours of sleep but me being the good person i had to go find her and explain what she did wrong, i think that's the biggest problem in her life everyone's always yelling at her but never explaining why, urgh!! So that was sunday.


Monday mom, dad, and i (notice the correct grammar) went to steak 'n' shake for dinner. MILKSHAKES!!! made a lot of good memories there in the last year, and even before that. Tuesday night used to be routine in our house, TACO NIGHT!!! then not so much and then every now and then somebody will say "it's tuesday" well i think its coming back, which might be a bad thing cuz something about the cheese in this county hurts my stomach idk maybe its just a mental thing from being around my sister. V, {<3 u :)}. But not only did i go tuesday i also went friday w/ my friend jessie who stopped by on her way to cincy. Wouldn't mind going again friday or saturday if scott wants to keep his promise and come see me. My sister, V, and i also went shopping yesterday got some new tank tops and went thrift store hunting for some boots but couldnt find any so ended up at payless and my loving sister, V, bought me some really cool ones, that im jazz up later. Now im set to ride on the 19 of sept. can't wait, a hat would have been nice but i'll probably have to wear a helmet anyway. We went to the pet store, Fetch, before that and we found puppies (i know "Duh!!" but let me finish) there was a mini pin and a Chiweenie (chihuahua + dachshund) in the same cage, both boys and both adorable, totally would have been cool to be able to get both and let the contine to grow and play together. Today wasn't too bad didn't do much but i did finish filling out my application for Jack's Aquarium and pets, i doubt i'll get a job though because there were 3 girls just standing there not doing anything when i went in and it always asks that stupid question, "are u still in school" so finding a job up here is getting harder and harder, and down there's hard to cuz i cant find anything pet-wise w/i walking distance and i really dont want to work fats food (get the joke fast - fats? lol).


Im sure ill find something eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later. Well looks like bed time good night and 41 Days!!

Cool, huh? they've got holes in them, im gonna see if i can put a UC on them w/ red thread, and yes shock they're American Eagle, now i have boots from them and a shirt from Old Navy, Aeropostal is next, funny we saw a blue Aero shirt in the thrift store.

Black & Purple, Black & Purple, lol anything's better than Black & Yellow, Green & Gold for life!!

Tacos and band; hmm, who's that remind me off??

My Poochie!!!!!

Super Bummed (Traverse)

So 5 friends of mine left for a summer project in Traverse City Michigan back in June and they got back on the 6th. Well 6 went but one was a leader so he was there for a while then went to Colorado then...well he's just been a lot of places recently. ANYWAY so throughout the project some friends they made up there posted pics of the stuff they were doing and those were really cool to see. One of my friends even started a blog but he didn't keep it going very well (just picking on u). So it was cool to read what they were up to and see what was keeping them crazy busy. I talked to a few of them while they were up there but it was always super late and they were tired. That i can understand, so what's on my mind u ask?

Well u see since they've gotten back (mind u its only been a day but still) all they've posted about is project and inside jokes and how much they miss the people they met and all this stuff. Ordinarily that kinda of stuff wouldn't bother me but what I don't think any of them know is i applied to go on the summer project with them but due to certain circumstances I wasn't able to. So i've spent the last 2 months at home doing nothing while they've been making new friends, memories, and jokes. I mean the 5 that went weren't my closest friends from school (well im pretty close w/ one but the others not so much). I still feel like i've missed out and yeah i have other friends that didn't go (most of them being closer friends) but its just annoying to see every other post "fomo" and "miss ur studliness" and "there's a so & so sized hole in my heart, u need to fill".

Sometimes i wonder if anyone realizes how hurtful it is to see ur "friends" say they miss other people but not even try to talk to u all summer. i thought cru (& rc) was different than that but i wasn't as close w/ my rc friends so that doesn't bug me. I'd just like an unexpected "hi" or "miss u" or "how's ur summer going". id like to get those messages w/o having saying anything first. I also feel like things are going to be different when we get back, I feel like those 5 are going to be really close and clique-y despite their personalities. I get that project is a life changing experience and those u go w/ become close to u because its such a unique situation and because u see them everyday for two months straight, i just wish/hope that they share things w/ the rest of us and don't be come like those people that say "what happens at ____ stays at _______" or "its a _______ thing u wouldn't get it".  I know i say the first one about band camp but that doesn't really matter now cuz no one i go to school w/ knows anyone i went to band camp w/ .....*correction no one i go to school w/ that i hang out with.

I can't wait to get back to school, so i can get out of this house but i just hope things haven't changed too much.

Mood: apprehensive :{

Life

So i've been a good girl pretty much my entire life. I mean yeah there were times i didn't want to do the dishes or i wasn't "doing my best" (how would they know), and even times where i just flat out did the opposite of what the authority figure told me. But for the most part im responsible, i do what im told w/o much fuss, and i strive for good grades & try my best. I know it has to be hard on my mom seeing her youngest become an independent an adult and that's why she's hanging on so tight. I get it im her baby and if im an adult where's that leave her? but honestly i get more and more sick of being told what to do and when to do it every day. Im clinging to my countdown, 45 days, and i'll be back at school where i dont have to ask if i can go w/ my friends and i can be out all night w/o repercussions. I mean there are still people down there that care about me and kinda keep tabs on me but its not to the point that i just want to leave. I LOVE my parents, they're good people and they mean well but sometimes its just suffocating. Compared to some of my friends parents are way worse but some are also better. Sometimes i wonder what itd be like to be my best friend's sister but i know that id miss my oldest sister and my brother and definitely my puppy. (yeah i know i wouldn't if i was born into their family, w/e)


Point is if my second older sister is in a good mood (or better yet not around) then i have a good life. Sure there are things i've had to go w/o but those are luxuries, like a horse, some of the toys (when i was little) and clothes (now) i wanted. But i've got a puppy who i couldn't love any more than i already do, my own room, a roof over my head in a decent neighborhood, food in my belly, and clothes on my back, a few luxuries like a computer and a tv for my dorm. Sure, i never got the pony/horse i wanted or even the hamster. I don't live on a farm and my extended family has some serious problems. BUT i have a good life.


My friends always seem to come to me for relationship advice and their other life problems. I've never kissed anyone and never had a boyfriend. I have terrible time taking tests and it scares the crap out of me that that is what (if anything) is going to keep me out of vet school. I have 7 years of school left (supposing i make it into vet school) unlike most of my friends who have 3 or 4. I can't get a job and am longing to go to Australia next year. My dad lost his job and doesn't seem to have found another. Im not as strong in my beliefs as i appear to be but im working on it. BUT i have a good life.


U ask how can i have a good life w/ all that going on, well i don't live in poverty, i haven't been sold as a slave into the sex trade. I don't live in a third world country and dont have to worry about being persecuted for any of my beliefs. I don't go to bed hungry and my shoes aren't to small or uncomfortable (when i wear shoes) or the only pair ive ever owned. I dont have a life threatening disease or any disease for that matter. I don't go to bed wondering if i'll wake up and my parents will be dead or arrested.


SO id say I HAVE A GOOD LIFE!! :) happy for my blessings not worrying about all the "bad" in my life

I wanna do it all (click me u know u wanna)

Do You Ever

• think about your first kiss
• dream about the first person that held you (not your parents)
• wonder about that first special someone
• contemplate what one more hug or a few more seconds/minutes could have meant
• try to talk to them like nothing ever changed
• ponder just how much u meant to them
• wish maybe a friendly good bye

• long for the good days when you thought life couldn't get any better
• reminisce about that one moment in time where no one else mattered
• recall all the great times u've had w/ that ONE friend
• wish that you'd taken the chance
• yearn for the chance to go back
• dream about just one more hug
• contemplate where we'd be if nothing had ever been started in the first place

These are thoughts and wishes that keep me up at night. I replay that night in my head at least once a week, it used to be more. I can't help it, it just pops in and it's like a car wreck I don't want to look, yet I can't look away but worse cuz I literally CAN'T look away. 


Deep down, I know I've loved all the times we've hung out and I wouldn't change a thing about that night but sometimes I wish it'd never happened. It hurts ya' know, to believe someone likes you, to find out it's true and then to be told as much as it's true it just can't be :'(


I know you would never intentionally hurt me, if you could help it, cuz that's just not the kind of guy you are, but I'm in pain. I know one day it'll just be a distant memory but for now I'm in pain and you're just another, as one of my "BFF"s put it, non-boyfriend that's broken my heart. 


I know we can be friends because you already are one of my best guy friends and I wouldn't give up your friendship for almost anything in the world. But that doesn't mean I don't hurt and that sometimes I'm really upset with how things ended up. I respect your decision, don't get me wrong. It takes a strong man to know he's still in pain and not just use some girl to get over it. And you've been so honest, upfront, and willing to talk about it, no matter how many questions I have. Not only about what went on between us, but about your life in general, past, present, and future. I may seem strong and even a lil rough on the outside but deep down (mostly) I'm a scared, lil' romantic, who just wants someone to hold her and tell her that everything in life will be okay.


You're a great guy and I love you (calm down, it's just a friendly kind of love), you challenge me, even when you don't disagree, you question me to make sure I (and you) know my reasons behind what I think. I don't like having my beliefs tested but boy, you got a talent with words. I don't feel attacked when you do it, I feel compelled and encouraged to explain my point of view. I feel I can be open and that I could tell you anything. You make me laugh sometimes and othertimes you drive me mad but in either situation you stick to what you believe. If you thought the sky was a lovely shade of green despite all evidence otherwise, I'd laugh at you for sure but I'd also admire your strength to stick to your beliefs. There's no one I know who even comes close to you. I have some many different sides to me and you've seen about all of them and we're still friends so in my book you're a great, loyal, and trustworthy friend.


You may never have a chance at my heart again but I wouldn't give up on our friendship for anything (yet lol). You're an amazing guy, even with all your you-isms and you-things.


I really didn't mean for this to turn into a love/dedication/admiration/memory thingy but he's the one who sparks all the above thoughts so why not, if you know who he is, please keep that to yourself, obviously I respect him a great deal and would rather like to keep his privacy...his, thanks :)

Tacos for Breakfast

I had dinner with a friend tonight. It was nice to see someone from school again. Although, don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with my high school friends, too. She met my puppy and part of my family. We went to Taco Bell (the first time I ate today) and then got ice cream from Mc Donalds and we talked about life. On the way home we stopped so she could take a pic of the Bath Township sign...because she's weird. But all in all it was fun, reminded of being back on campus where I can go where I want and do crazy things with my friends.

It's got me excited for this year. This year is going to be a lot harder academically but should be a lot more fun socially because I'll know people from the beginning of the year. I can't wait to find out what crazy and fun things my friends will talk me into this year.

September are you here yet?

Sleep

Well yesterday besides being blah was actually an ok day, watched a show i really like and drew an elephant that im pretty proud of, then talked to a friend; it was nice to talk to someone else who's spending their nights like me...awake lol. Everything was going ok until i checked my phone. I got a text around 9 from my cousin and it said some stuff i didn't want to hear but we'll get through it. And yeah i say that but after that there was no way i could sleep, i think i may have dosed off but there was no real sleep gained. On top of that ive been looking into what sleep deprivation can do to a person, get this

Your judgment and reaction time may slow, you may experience memory loss, depression, a weakened immune system, and pain. Not getting enough sleep or having poor sleep habits can trigger migraines or cause occasional migraines to become frequent. New research shows that when women lose sleep they're at higher risk for diabetes, heart disease, and depression.

And those are just a few snippets from webmd.com; i've been reading some other sites too and the more i read the more scared i become. I don't think ive experience any memory loss and im not in any pain or sick but i have felt slightly down lately, but i've had a lot on my mind. As for my reaction time thats always been spotty but i don't think it's changed any and my judgement is fine. Ive never gotten migraines and have had one recently. Diabetes runs in my family so thats scary but my hearts fine. There are other symptoms too but i didn't have any of those but if this continues i may have to talk to the rents about seeing a sleep doctor ( i know right, they're not special, they dont get a fancy name).




It could just be a lack of activity during the day that causes it like i was telling Joel but if it continues id rather do something about it and be overly cautious than not do anything and there be something seriously wrong. So today we're gonna go for a walk and maybe go see britt and idk just get up and about.

BLAH!!!

Today has been a blah kind of day. Spent it watching 21 Jump Street, which is a great old TV show starring Johnny Depp, its about these 4 young looking cops who go undercover in schools and bust criminals. Now I'm not one of those star-obsessed girls who's in "love" w/ Johnny Depp or Bieber or Orlando Bloom but I am a girl and I have to say Johnny was WAY hotter in the late eighty's, early ninety's than he is now.

Moving on to a different subject; I can't stand being criticized for not doing something when no one encourages me to do it in the first place. People seem upset/disappointed/amused that i couldn't stay off FB for a month but did anyone besides S&D wish me luck w/ it? No, so I don't see why everyone seems to be questioning me now. I'm not spending anywhere near as much time on FB as I had been.

Speaking of spending time doing other things; I did a lil research on UC's equestrian team/club, thanks for the offer of the information T  but I don't think I'll be joining anytime soon. As much fun as it would have been I can't afford $950+ to be on the team and still go to Australia next fall. Oops I hadn't mentioned that, yet.
Next fall I plan to take a semester abroad to Australia, it's been a dream of mine since my sophomore year of high school. It means I'll miss football season which sucks completely but I'll be back for baseball and some other things that may be happening spring or 2013.

In other news, I found my old Xanga today, my profile pic was of a guy i new in high school talk about embarrassing, here's my about me:

My name is hey u get out of my way, j/k, people say i have no rhythm and it may be true but i'm a beast on the bells. i have friends, then i have people i know and people who know me. i like marching band, horses, dogs, and guys but that's besides the point.W/e ~Sara~ 

I feel like I haven't changed in 5 years, 2006 was the date of creation on my profile lol.

I'm an aunt!!

WHAT!!!!! Well she's here...well not here as in my bedroom or even in ohio, she's here as in Georgia. Lil' Brookelyn Jade made her entry into this place we call the world. 12:59pm, apparently they couldn't have waited 60 seconds, i detest odd numbers (i was born at 2:46, i call that one very even #), however she's two months early and that could cause some serious problems but ive known other people that were born premature and they were fine, and better 2 months than three like we first thought. Im so excited, finally a lil kid in my extended family that is actually MY niece. dont get me wrong my 2nd cousins are good kids...most of the time and they adore me but its different. and this means i may get to meet her before school starts, really hope i do!!
Some people would think id be jealous being the youngest and Brooke being the first grandchild but i don't think i will be. I know my parents love me and im still the baby, now there's just an actual baby in the family and im sure she'll be a great addition. :)

Epiphany/Realization

Do something to better yourself for someone else and people will be all over u telling u not to change for someone else, but do something to change that is neither good nor bad for u just different and no one says oh u dont need to change or even questions why u r really doing it.
Dont get me wrong my reasons for not getting on FB are honest and clearly stated but why should i? NO ONE has asked me why i feel the need to do this, no one even tried to stop me. FB is one of the only ways i keep in touch w/ everyone I know, friends, family, and even my bff's bfs.
I'm not saying i shouldn't scale down the time im on but seriously no one even tried to stop me. Someone saying "don't do this, when will we talk?" would have been touching. i mean i get my best friends not saying anything, one can't get online, one was at work all day, one's probably still wrapped up in her bf, who btw probably cant tell u my last name off the top of his head, and the other besides being busy getting ready for fair knows that i probably would have tried it whether she tried to stop me or not. So yesterday (technically) i made it 11/13 hours that i was awake without being on FB and that i say is an accomplishment. I learned more about one friend yesterday than i would have if id been on FB so that was nice but i didn't really talk to anybody for very long and as introverted as i am i NEED to chat w/ someone at some point during the day or i will really come down w/ cabin fever
this past year ive really broken out of my shell but i still have a very long way to go. sure i can speak to a guy that i have a huge crush on, heck even hang out w/ him and keep the conversation going but put me in a room full of people even if the are all good friends of mine, ill probably stick to talking to the friend im closest with. i hate public speaking but this year has forced me to step up on that too. so in order to keep from sliding back to where i was, i need to be social and since i can't visit people that means chatting of facebook and liking and commenting and just generally chilling in a social network environment. so yes im on FB a lot and i haven't done a lot w/ my summer but i feel i have grown a lot and the lack of experiences will give me more opportunity to listen to the stories my friends will have to share and i am GREAT at listening.
I can't wait for September!!

6 hours

I never thought id post twice in one day but after my first oops of getting on FB i decided i needed to do something to get my mind off of it. So after getting an incredibly endearing comment from someone, who at one point i thought i could NEVER be all that close with or have anything in common with, i decided id check out her blog and WOW! we are more a like than i could imagine, some of her posts i could just copy and paste w/ only changing maybe one or two details. but seeing as how i enjoy originality i don't think i will, there is however an excerpt from T's blog that i'd like to share, she wrote "...at some point you have to make a decision. Either you want something or you don't. You either want to be with me or you don't. And yeah, maybe it will hurt you or maybe it will hurt me, but drawing it out longer isn't going to help anyone...It just hurts more to drag things on. We all hurt, we all inflict pain. It's something everyone has to deal with....We grieve, we get angry, we sulk, and then we suck it up, mend ourselves, and we move on. It's a part of life." and i couldn't agree with her more.


Although at this point in my life i want soooo badly to move on, but know for a fact that i'm not ready to let go, i want us to give it a shot, i want YOU to give us a shot. Its like she said "then we SUCK IT UP and MOVE ON" it may be my immaturity but i blame u for the situation we're in. u knew when all that was happening that night where u were at relationship-wise, i didn't, all i knew was that id finally found a guy that i kinda liked that liked me back. some other things happened throughout the year (good and bad) and when june arrived and we didn't even say goodbye. now its almost the end of summer and my friends keep telling me another chance next year would be foolish and to move on but i don't see anyone else and maybe not focusing on guys is the way to go but let's face it im a 19-year-old girl who's never had a bf, its hard for me to not focus on guys. more than half of my closest friends at school are guys and im friends w/ almost all my bff's bfs so now there are a lot of guys in my life, mostly taken guys but its not the taken guys i like anyway, its my single guy friends that i have the problem not focusing on.
They are such good guys and such great friends that its hard not see something more w/ them. its even harder spending so much time alone w/ my thoughts and if i could write a blog or a news paper column of just my thoughts id have my future set.
While Animals are my passion and God is of high importance, science is hard enough and the thought of 7 more years of school is daunting, moving to yet another new city  in 3 years and starting all over at a new school is nerve racking, add guys to all of that and people should start to understand my complete and utter lack of ability to succeed in one area wholeheartedly.
I think if i had an outlet like T has soccer, then i maybe able to bring things together. I've been told im a natural on horseback and there's a farm not too far from campus but idk how often id be able to ride and UC has an equestrian club, not quite sure what they do but i may look into that.
I just need something to get my mind of these guys and how hard school is. Its August 1st and im already stressin' school, 51 days 'til we start again, haha im crazy.

1st day

ugh!! so i didn't last very long, i got on to see what my sister-in-law, Christie, said about the baby (which is my one exception), she has/had an appointment today, haven't heard anything about that yet...mainly cuz i haven't checked but i couldn't resist i check my notifications and im glad and upset that i did,
1st - glad: i'm glad i did because a friend of mine tagged me in a note and what she said was...well it was nice but now im kinda curious what she meant
2nd - upset: i couldn't make it 20 mins after waking up w/o checking
I know this is going to take some time but maybe i shouldn't start off with no FB at all, maybe i should start with chatting only after 7pm, only one status a day and maybe only checking notifications when i get up and right before i go to bed? that sounds more reasonable, dont u think? i think its a lil insane to stat off w/ absolutely no FB cuz as we've seen i can't do that. I think over time i'll be able to do it but not right now, not starting out, that was a lil too ambitious of me.