I never thought id post twice in one day but after my first oops of getting on FB i decided i needed to do something to get my mind off of it. So after getting an incredibly endearing comment from someone, who at one point i thought i could NEVER be all that close with or have anything in common with, i decided id check out her blog and WOW! we are more a like than i could imagine, some of her posts i could just copy and paste w/ only changing maybe one or two details. but seeing as how i enjoy originality i don't think i will, there is however an excerpt from T's blog that i'd like to share, she wrote "...at some point you have to make a decision. Either you want something or you don't. You either want to be with me or you don't. And yeah, maybe it will hurt you or maybe it will hurt me, but drawing it out longer isn't going to help anyone...It just hurts more to drag things on. We all hurt, we all inflict pain. It's something everyone has to deal with....We grieve, we get angry, we sulk, and then we suck it up, mend ourselves, and we move on. It's a part of life." and i couldn't agree with her more.
Although at this point in my life i want soooo badly to move on, but know for a fact that i'm not ready to let go, i want us to give it a shot, i want YOU to give us a shot. Its like she said "then we SUCK IT UP and MOVE ON" it may be my immaturity but i blame u for the situation we're in. u knew when all that was happening that night where u were at relationship-wise, i didn't, all i knew was that id finally found a guy that i kinda liked that liked me back. some other things happened throughout the year (good and bad) and when june arrived and we didn't even say goodbye. now its almost the end of summer and my friends keep telling me another chance next year would be foolish and to move on but i don't see anyone else and maybe not focusing on guys is the way to go but let's face it im a 19-year-old girl who's never had a bf, its hard for me to not focus on guys. more than half of my closest friends at school are guys and im friends w/ almost all my bff's bfs so now there are a lot of guys in my life, mostly taken guys but its not the taken guys i like anyway, its my single guy friends that i have the problem not focusing on.
They are such good guys and such great friends that its hard not see something more w/ them. its even harder spending so much time alone w/ my thoughts and if i could write a blog or a news paper column of just my thoughts id have my future set.
While Animals are my passion and God is of high importance, science is hard enough and the thought of 7 more years of school is daunting, moving to yet another new city in 3 years and starting all over at a new school is nerve racking, add guys to all of that and people should start to understand my complete and utter lack of ability to succeed in one area wholeheartedly.
I think if i had an outlet like T has soccer, then i maybe able to bring things together. I've been told im a natural on horseback and there's a farm not too far from campus but idk how often id be able to ride and UC has an equestrian club, not quite sure what they do but i may look into that.
I just need something to get my mind of these guys and how hard school is. Its August 1st and im already stressin' school, 51 days 'til we start again, haha im crazy.
First of all, I'm glad you connected with my blog. I'm glad you can see that side of me :) second, while I stand by everything I wrote then and still believe it, my best advice is to follow your gut and trust your instincts. Yes, sometimes we need to "grow up and move on," but there's a lot to be said for also standing by what you feel in your heart. I'm sure you can read the rest of my blog and figure out a lot of stuff about my "relationships" and whatnot, but here's a little tidbit: I was 20 when I had my first kiss and 21 (a month from turning 22) when I had my first real boyfriend, and he's the man I'm still with 6 months later and hope to spend the rest of my life with :) patience, perseverance, hope, trust and a commitment to yourself WILL pay off in the end!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have some info/connections to the equestrian club if you want more info. I wrote a special interest piece on them for the News Record a year or so ago!