Trying

So as i said in my FB status today is a day for change. I'm going to try and be nicer and give people more of a chance, I'm going to start studying like i said i would this summer and I'm going to figure out Australia. If the last one means i spend the new year in lil' Medway, OH with my family instead of big Indianapolis, IN with my Cru then so be it. I've been told I should go to Indy CC because I'll regret it if I don't especially after break when they are all talking about how great it was and provided some of my best memories from last year are from there, some of the worst are also. For instance, although it is what I believe brought J and I so close it was also incredibly hard for me not to go off on her towards the end. I know she means well but at the end of that week i was so done with her acting like my mom...although i do love my mom that's not what i mean.

Anyway back to the change, I'm going to be nicer and try to get to know people better before I decide I don't like them and that is going to be incredibly hard for me because there are some people that just really rub me the wrong way and then there are also people that IDK why I don't like them I just don't. Well that stops today; if I'd known J in high school no way would I have ever talked to her, but now I couldn't imagine my life w/o her. As for studying I'm proud of myself for doing better in Bio but I'm not so proud of my grade and don't even get me started on Chem, so I'm going to try harder and be more dedicated because I know I have what it takes, I just need to motivate myself. Also, I need to get my GPA up to go to Australia and I'd hate to figure out everything down to what shoes I'm taking with me, just to have my GPA hold me here, I'm smart now I just need to apply myself. As the new year approaches I want to get back to the days where I knew the stuff I needed to know and could put it down on the test. Being someone who graduated with a 3.96 GPA and 23rd out of 260, behind the kids that took AP classes, I should be doing much better than I am. I know I could (and have) blame my chem professor for screwing with the totals on certain things but honestly that shouldn't matter if I'd taken the time in class and outside of it to really get an understanding of the material. I know this may seem like I'm being pretty hard on myself but no one really knows how much time I have spent on outside stuff that I could have applied to studying or getting help and for that I'm truly ashamed of myself. Oooo AND I'm gonna start listening like I've never listened before because doing things my way doesn't seem to be working to well in some areas. But like i said:  

TODAY is a DAY for CHANGE!!!

Amendment:
I don't know if trying to start today was a good idea, when asked why I wanted to have lunch with them, I didn't know what to say; and then he went off about how I'm so honest and upfront, damn he has no idea, that just about killed me. If only he knew how untrue that was. I keep a lot to myself and clearly he can't read very well or he'd know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah I can state my opinion but if it something that matters, I know the person asking won't like my answer, and they matter to me, you better believe  I'm going to tell them what they want to hear. What sucks the most is that he's going to read this. I feel like crap knowing I wasn't honest with him, and he doesn't even get how much it hurts me to lie (omission) to him. He's like a big brother to me and not being honest about some stuff because of the circumstances kills me. I was just told what he likes about me and I feel like by doing the exact opposite, I've let him down. I'm going to go lay down and watch some TV and try to feel better. I'm sorry. :(