I wonder

Sometimes i just randomly miss him more than you can imagine. And other times I wonder if the reason we allowed this to happen is because we're afraid to be alone but also don't think we're ready for a commitment. Some would say a long distance relationship is more of a commitment because you don't see the person very often, or in our case at all, but I think possibly it's less because we don't see each other. We feel attached and (for lack of a better word) committed but don't feel pressured to be a constant presence in each others' lives because we can't hang out. Not that we don't want to be around each other and hang out but we're still free to live our "pre-July" lives. To hang with old friends and be ourselves with our families without worrying if our families like the other person or if our friends do. I mean i've met his family but it was for a very brief period of time so we can paint each other in a way that people like the one they don't know. My family doesn't know the details but i think my mother at least gets that something was happening or that we were close. It's not that i don't want to tell her it's just she knows i want to go back and i don't want her to get the wrong idea that's all because of him. But i do still wonder if we're keeping this going because we were comfortable when i left and neither of us wants to lose that. I'm just not sure if I'm going to make it back over there and he's not sure he can come over here. But damn i miss him.