I've been thinking a lot about time this week. About how much has changed in the last 5 years (because that's a good time frame), the last year and a half (since I started college), and even since September (start of this school year).
In the last 5 years, since I was a sophomore in high school, I've changed a lot, who I like, my faith, what I support, what I participate in, who I talk to, how I spend my time, how much effort I put into things, and even how I dress.
In the last year and a half, since I started at UC, my faith has grown, how I spend my time has leaned more toward an extroverted side, how much effort I put into school, the environment I live in, and even my relationships with my friends has changed, some for the better some not so much.
Since September, the beginning of this school year, I feel like I've grown closer to some people while I feel like I can barely hang on to others. With the help of a very good friend we call J, I feel like every week I understand my faith a little more, every week has a new lesson in store and whether she knows it or not I'm learning a lot from her. I'm learning patience from my roommates, diligence and perseverance from J's roommates, and patience & willingness/ability to know when and how to let things and people go. From Him, I've learned that throughout disappointment, understanding can be found and a friendship doesn't have to end. In M and my "bro" I see strong men trying to do what is right for their loved ones regardless of what others think and I'm learning what truly Godly men should look like.
Most recently though, from Angel, I've learned that what's in the past is best left in the past, at some point we all must move on. I wasn't aware I was still hanging on until I found out Angel had moved on and I was hurt. If I had moved on like I thought I had I wouldn't have been hurt. I tried to say that it was because A waited so long to tell me but deep down I was hurt because I was jealous. My Angel is someone else's now and I guess I wasn't ready for that even if I do like Him. He's amazing and can make me forget about A in a minute but still knowing that A was always there for me and I meant the all that I did to A made me feel special but now it's time to leave that in the past. I wish A and I were still close and we still talked like we did last year but we don't and that's just how life is. I don't talk to Him nearly as often as I did last year either. Like I said, my friendships have changed and they will again next year as well.
I am continually finding new scholarships to apply to which is good and I'm constantly learning new things that pertain to going abroad so I'm almost certain this is what I'm supposed to be doing. It'll be hard being away from J again but it's only five months and we've done that. It makes me wonder why I keep looking for a boyfriend when I'd just have to leave him in 3 and 1/2 months anyway. Sure, while I'm in Cincy it'd be nice to have that person I can just snuggle up to when I feel...well like I do right now and it'd make hanging with J&M a lot easier, not that I've done much of that lately. She asks, can M come along and of course I'm going to say he can, she tells me how busy they are and how little time they get to spend together, so who am I to say 'No'? but on the other hand I need my J time too, she's like the big sister...well she's like another big sister to me. I like, almost love spending time with M and even with the two of them together, please don't misunderstand, but I never know how to answer that question, if I say 'No' will she be upset? but if I say 'Yes' how much will we really talk about? Oh my dilemmas. Where did this rant start? Oh, right, if I had a bf then J & I could talk while M & he talked, it would just be more equal. I enjoyed dinner tonight, though, M's is a little more extroverted than I am so he's kind of able to keep the conversation going at points when J and I just sit there and trade glances & 'what?'s. I imagine that's actually kind of funny to watch, I'd look up and mouth 'what' and she'd look up and her expression would say 'what', but I like that about us, we can sit and talk or we can sit in silence, she knows if I have something to say I will and every now and then she'll say something, it's nice not having to make conversation all the time.
In the last 5 years, since I was a sophomore in high school, I've changed a lot, who I like, my faith, what I support, what I participate in, who I talk to, how I spend my time, how much effort I put into things, and even how I dress.
In the last year and a half, since I started at UC, my faith has grown, how I spend my time has leaned more toward an extroverted side, how much effort I put into school, the environment I live in, and even my relationships with my friends has changed, some for the better some not so much.
Since September, the beginning of this school year, I feel like I've grown closer to some people while I feel like I can barely hang on to others. With the help of a very good friend we call J, I feel like every week I understand my faith a little more, every week has a new lesson in store and whether she knows it or not I'm learning a lot from her. I'm learning patience from my roommates, diligence and perseverance from J's roommates, and patience & willingness/ability to know when and how to let things and people go. From Him, I've learned that throughout disappointment, understanding can be found and a friendship doesn't have to end. In M and my "bro" I see strong men trying to do what is right for their loved ones regardless of what others think and I'm learning what truly Godly men should look like.
Most recently though, from Angel, I've learned that what's in the past is best left in the past, at some point we all must move on. I wasn't aware I was still hanging on until I found out Angel had moved on and I was hurt. If I had moved on like I thought I had I wouldn't have been hurt. I tried to say that it was because A waited so long to tell me but deep down I was hurt because I was jealous. My Angel is someone else's now and I guess I wasn't ready for that even if I do like Him. He's amazing and can make me forget about A in a minute but still knowing that A was always there for me and I meant the all that I did to A made me feel special but now it's time to leave that in the past. I wish A and I were still close and we still talked like we did last year but we don't and that's just how life is. I don't talk to Him nearly as often as I did last year either. Like I said, my friendships have changed and they will again next year as well.
I am continually finding new scholarships to apply to which is good and I'm constantly learning new things that pertain to going abroad so I'm almost certain this is what I'm supposed to be doing. It'll be hard being away from J again but it's only five months and we've done that. It makes me wonder why I keep looking for a boyfriend when I'd just have to leave him in 3 and 1/2 months anyway. Sure, while I'm in Cincy it'd be nice to have that person I can just snuggle up to when I feel...well like I do right now and it'd make hanging with J&M a lot easier, not that I've done much of that lately. She asks, can M come along and of course I'm going to say he can, she tells me how busy they are and how little time they get to spend together, so who am I to say 'No'? but on the other hand I need my J time too, she's like the big sister...well she's like another big sister to me. I like, almost love spending time with M and even with the two of them together, please don't misunderstand, but I never know how to answer that question, if I say 'No' will she be upset? but if I say 'Yes' how much will we really talk about? Oh my dilemmas. Where did this rant start? Oh, right, if I had a bf then J & I could talk while M & he talked, it would just be more equal. I enjoyed dinner tonight, though, M's is a little more extroverted than I am so he's kind of able to keep the conversation going at points when J and I just sit there and trade glances & 'what?'s. I imagine that's actually kind of funny to watch, I'd look up and mouth 'what' and she'd look up and her expression would say 'what', but I like that about us, we can sit and talk or we can sit in silence, she knows if I have something to say I will and every now and then she'll say something, it's nice not having to make conversation all the time.
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