Sleep

I'm really good at sleeping... when I don't need to be. When I'm supposed to be asleep, it's hard. When it's an acceptable time to be awake, I can sleep for hours. Something about being alone, not knowing how I'm going to manage the real world when it comes and everyone constantly asking about it, is stressing me out.

I know I need to find a better paying job and I have been looking but it's not that easy and I know I'm mostly to blame but even if I did have a license, a car is expensive and with student loans impending, there's no way I could afford one. I will never say I wish I had stayed closer to home or not gone to Australia because those things made me who I am and led me to my man but it definitely would have been cheaper and I could have been there for my best friend. I so wish I could have been there for her. I miss and love her so much.

I know many of my college "friends" would say God has a plan for me and I don't doubt that but I don't want to be practically broke before He reveals it. And to be honest I hate working, it's not that I'm lazy or lack a work ethic, if I could find a job/career that involved taking care of animals that didn't require so much experience (that whole vicious cycle thing - no experience = no job = no experience) i would have no problem working, otherwise I would much rather own a few dogs and be a stay at home wife & mother (i know people say that's not a job, for the sake of this blog let's say it is). 

I'd send my amazing man off to work (the job he enjoys more than anything I've ever done) in the morning, after having packed his lunch, then I would feed the dogs. Next, I would wake our son and get him ready for school while feeding his little sister her Cheerios. After dropping the boy off at school, little sister and I are headed to the library for some books. Then later to the park and be home in time to have dinner ready by the time my man gets home. It wouldn't always be perfect but I would be happy with a life like that.

But for now I stay up late at night worrying about the impending doom that is student loans due and a lack of health care that the president wants to fine me for not being able to afford. Que sera, sera.