My day just went from good to bad all because one test brought me back to reality. I have never done so poorly on a test in my life, well there was that one but it doesn't count because she's just dumb. Anyway I am just stressing way too much. I'm tired of all this school crap, I no longer have any idea what I want to do with my life and my academic adviser, as nice as he is and as helpful as he was with all the stuff I needed for Australia is virtually useless when it comes to helping me figure out what classes I need to take and I really don't like science. I love learning about animals and stuff but all this useless science like ochem which i know for some people is important but i don't see how it's relevant to me. I'm stressing about trying to be a better person and christian, staying in touch with my friends all over the place and involved with cru and rallycats. Trying to figure out how this flight and all the details for Australia are going to fit together and now He's not speaking to me. well he's not avoiding me so much as he's just been busy and i'm stressing both of us out. I just wish someone would sit me down and tell me here's what you need to do and here's how to do it not to mention i wish i had a little more of a constant support system. Someone that's not dealing with something massive of their own. I know everyone has their own problems but not everyone is planning a wedding or dealing with being thousands of miles away from their boyfriend like the two i'm most likely to turn to. There's another i would normally turn to but she's not always the easiest to talk or to get to understand.
When I'm at my lowest it always seems like that's when the people i think i can turn to are the farthest away or are too busy. So it's strange when people I hardly know want to help me are there for me like my friends should be. I mean these people are friends we're just not close. I feel like there are only two MAJOR problems in my life one is ochem and the other is Him.
I need to pass ochem to get my degree or change my major and either way i need to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
As for him, i knew we had something special from the beginning and that it would be hard when i left but i thought my reassuring him that i would be back would be enough for him to hang in there. it's literally 6 and 1/2 weeks til i get back there and now he's telling me there's someone else after i already paid for my visa. I gave him the perfect opportunity to stop me and he did nothing. I keep telling people he's not the only reason I'm going back and he's not but to put it all out there he is 90% of the reason. I'm not sure if the other 10% (travel and my other friends are enough). But i already paid for my visa and i'm not wasting $381. So I'm going back to Aus. I think i'm trying to convince myself that i can win him back or that whatever is going on with this other person won't last or that when i get back over there he'll see me and he'll know exactly how he feels. I mean he and i (and even my 1st roommate) said there was something there from the beginning. I just don't understand what could have changed in 2 weeks, we talked two weeks ago and nothing had changed, NOTHING! i went on spring break and that entire week we talked once for less than 5 mins. You (and he) can't expect me to believe all this happened in one week. He was so cautious and hesitant with me, no way he would rush into something with someone else. There has to be more to the story and I just need to be patient and wait for him to explain. A test of my patience again.
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