Ochem

Nothing will kill your spirit and motivation faster than realizing you don't have any idea what you're doing in the one class you need to pass most. I'm declining the job at Domino's so i can put more effort into Ochem and so i thought i could volunteer at the SPCA but apparently the pre-vet club isn't doing that on Saturdays anymore and Saturday is the only day I can do it. I'm not going to RallyCats tonight because they're just watching the basketball game and I just generally don't feel like doing anything. I feel like giving up at being involved and going to school. I want nothing more than to be in his arms and have him tell me everything is going to be okay. But I may have even screwed things up with him. I told him about being a Christian and how it doesn't matter if he's not but I am curious as to what he believes which isn't what's got me worried, I actually think he's okay with that. What's got me worried is that I asked him what we are, as in are we dating or what. It didn't bother me while I was there because everyone over there could tell how much he cared about me and that we were practically together, most people probably thought we were. But he said he's been thinking about it too so i guess that's a good thing. I mean he kissed me first and he's done so much for me there's no way he doesn't care about me but that doesn't mean he's going to be willing to put his heart on the line and say he wants to be in a relationship with someone who (at least til i finish school) lives on the other side of the world. Looking at it from an outsiders point of view it seems crazy, not unheard of but crazy. We'd have to have something pretty special to do that and we do if you consider we've both felt something since the day we met. I just don't know i feel like I'm losing everything i care about and if i lose him I just don't think i'll have much left. Other than God and since Australia I'm not sure how strong my faith is regardless of what i told him.