Cincy Bound

I'm headed back to Cincy in the morning and as excited as I am to get out of the house, see my friends again, and get back into my regular routine, I'm still worried that I'm not going to have much time for w/e it is he and i have going on. I know it would be a difficult balance even if he was in Cincy but him being half way around the world definitely makes it harder and at least if he were in Cincy I would have to add a job to my already crazy school schedule. Sure, I don't have to go to every sporting event like last year and I probably won't but I would like to see a baseball game in the spring and the RallyCats, although I'm not super close with any of them, there are a few I would consider friends. I hate that I have to take Ochem, always have, but even more so now because I know it's going to be hard and now that I'm about 95% sure I'm not going to get into vet school (I'm still going to apply though) I don't know why I'm taking it. I hate even more how much I've fallen for that stupid boy. I've seriously thought quite a few times since I got home how I could forget all about being a vet, move to Australia and just be his wife and mother of his children. I've found myself saying that I could be happy being housewife and all I've done is kissed the guy. I hate him sooo much. Worse than all that is I feel like I can't talk to J any more. Every time we talk she acts like she's interested but all she really wants to talk about is her damn wedding. I mean, yes it's going to happen that much is inevitable, but calm down girl he hasn't even proposed and honestly I don't blame him. You may be more than ready but he has to be ready too and I think the more she pushes the longer he's going to wait. I'm afraid one day she's going to go to far, so he'll ask not because he wants to be because he feels forced or coerced to ask. I may not know him as well as she does but I feel like he and I are similar in some ways. We're more reserved than she is by far. It also seems like he has his own way of doing things and she doesn't understand all his reservations I'm not saying that I do but I'm not the one who wants to marry him.
I know I am in no way an expert on relationships but it seems to me that communication is the most important aspect and I know she doesn't always listen to what I'm trying to tell her or at least she doesn't try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not saying I'm perfect actually just the opposite, I have the worst time trying to explain myself which makes it hard to understand my point of view sometimes and it normally takes me (when we're talking about typing things out) 3-4 paragraphs what someone else could have said in 1 or 2 sentences. I think part of that is when I take the time to explain things it's to someone I care about and I hate upsetting, hurting or disappointing the people I care about.
Now this is one thing I like about my boy, even when I'm be "a looneytoon" as he put it he takes the time to try and understand me. No he's not perfect but to steal his phrase he's "everything".
 
I've found a boy that I can be myself around, that I can goof off in front of, that I can ask stupid questions and not be laughed at but with, he drives out of his way to get me, and he doesn't care because he at least got to see me. I can't stay mad at him because he makes me smile every time. He's there for me, no matter what. And even though we're miles/kilometers apart, I've never been closer to someone. ~PJFH~