Easter

I didn't go home for Easter and people keep asking me why? It's not that I didn't want to go home but rather home doesn't feel like home not during the holidays that require spending time with extended family, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love my extended family but sometimes I can't deal with the drama that goes along with them. My immediate family normally pulls together and has a nice time on a holiday but add in the extended family (mostly my mom's side) and things almost always end up ruined for somebody. I don't think it's always been this way but since I'm only 19 I'm not sure if it's because I've only in the last couple years started realizing it or if just started rising. I'm pretty sure thing were good when I was little, not perfect but still pretty good. My cousin says it was our grandfather that kept things inline but I guess I never really paid that much attention to it. It does all have seemed to become more obvious after he passed away but the problems started before that. He could have been but I also thing this has all been coming for a little while at least. It isn't that there aren't days when I want nothing more than to go home and spend time playing with my 2nd cousins and being around the people I'm most comfortable with. Then there are days I hear about how they treat the aforementioned cousin and I'm so very glad I'm not around them and having to deal with their stupidity and irrational behavior. They all treat her like a pariah simply because she got herself out of a bad situation. Sure, she overreacts to/exaggerates some stuff, is attached to her phone like it's her heart, and isn't the most morally sound person on the planet, but the rest of the family is no better. I'm not any better than the rest of them because in God's eyes all sins are the same but the fact that they judge her and turn their backs on her, disgusts me. When I was little (3-9) we lived in Texas and would come visit our extended family in Ohio once or twice a year (christmas & summer). A few times right before we left I remember crying because I didn't want to leave my cousins. We always had so much fun playing school and house. Well, when I was 9 and we moved back "home" (Ohio), I thought it would be great to grow up with my cousins and be around my aunts & uncles & grand parents all the time. It was for a while but the older we got the more off course (unchristian-like) they (my cousins) became. I'm not going to go into all the details because as I've been told this is a public forum and as much as I don't like some of them (maybe even hate) they still deserve their privacy and they are my family. I will never turn my back on them (first). Point is because of some of my cousins' and other family members' poor life choices, holidays can be a bit stressful for someone like me who sometimes has no filter and is always rooting for the underdog. I can see both sides on most things and the things I do pick a side on I'm fiercely loyal to that side. So yes, I didn't go home for Easter, but I also wanted to spend Easter with family, just not mine. It stresses me out. I have proof, too, sorta.
People say acne is stress-induced, correct? Well, since coming to college, while academics have definitely gotten harder and more stressful, my face has really cleaned up, and I think we all know that it can't be because of Cincy's air. I say it's cleared up and that's mostly true. I have a tendency to break out every time I seriously consider going home. It's true. A friend offered to give me a ride home Friday and I started thinking about accepting it and then I broke out.
I had the opportunity to have a little chat with M this morning (yeah no J around so it happened) and he said something that sparked the urge for this "little" blog (more like a long rant, i know). He asked me if I was going home after church, which is a slightly silly question seeing as how that would mean a 4 hour trip for my mom, an hour down to get me, an hour back, a few hours there (2-3 tops), then an hour back down to drop me off and another hour back for her. But he asked anyway, told him no that I just wasn't in the mood to deal with family drama. Then he said it. He said something along the lines of 'Hmm, I'm glad I've been incredibly............blessed that there's never been any real conflict in my family.' It got me thinking, while yes all of the above is true, my life could be so much worse. I am grateful for my family, immediate and extended alike.
Side note:  I also wanted to see what it felt like to not spend a holiday/family get together day with family; it's strange and lonely and I don't like it but now I know. If I hadn't stayed here I wouldn't know and that's why I don't regret it. If you don't try things, you won't learn, and you'll regret not trying.