Time to think, to reflect on everything without writing everything down for apparently the world to see but now that I have thought things through what Boy did was probably for the best, if he wasn't able to hang in there before I got back over there this time (I ended up needing a new computer so I didn't go anyway) what would keep him from moving on if we had to be apart for longer. It must not have been right for me, not that I don't still miss him sometimes but I know deep down he's not The One.
Speaking of The One, J&M are finally married, I'm so happy for them but at the same time it's brought some scary thoughts to mind. 1) What happens if I never find what they have, I don't want to be alone all my life, which takes me back to missing Boy again... sigh. 2) I really hope my friendship with J doesn't change too much now, I'd hate that. I know it's going to change a little because she's farther away although she's been farther before and now there will be no more spontaneous sleepovers because that would be weird with her &M in the next room and there'd be no point for her to stay here since now she has a husband. IDK, I just don't want to lose her; which essentially boils back down to I don't want to end up alone. My two best friends on the planet have a husband and a serious boyfriend and it's like I'm chasing them, yelling 'wait for me, don't forget about me!' but there's nothing I can do to catch up, I have to be patient and wait my turn. I just wish I could get a little sign as to when my turn is coming. When you're waiting in a line you can normally see the end so you know how many people are in front of you but that's not the case this time. *sigh 😡
No comments:
Post a Comment